OrGODnized Chaos

Have you ever wanted to go hide? Hide from everything and everyone? Get in your car and drive to an unknown location where you don’t know anyone just to get away from whatever you are facing? Today I feel this way. I laugh, I smile, and I joke a lot, but I also spend a lot of time bound in circumstances out of my control that really bother me.  (I’ll talk about them one day).  Things that upset me, make me cry, and for lack of a better phase, shut me down. I have anxiety, I worry about everything (If I care about it) and I don’t like it. I want to be a woman who can let water just roll off her back. I want to have so much faith that I know God got me even when things don’t look in my favor (I know he does), but I don’t (right when it happens). Where did I go wrong? Why after all these years as a Christian actively in church don’t I have that type of faith? Well, I don’t have the answer, but I am seeking to find it. That is what I believe God wants from us. For us to seek him. 

Jeremiah 29:11 is a popular bible verse that many can verbalize from memory. It reads, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.” Isn’t it great to know that before we were born, God has plans for us that we don’t even know ourselves. It might be becoming CEO of a fortune 500 company, becoming a teacher to teach the next generation, or something as simple as becoming a mom (that’s not so simple for some).  But whatever it is, God already knows and has it planned out. So when we stress out about it, I imagine God looking at us like, only if they knew what was around the corner.  Our carnal minds sometimes don’t see the forest for the trees.

So where does this leave our faith? When we get weary in waiting on those plans that God has for us to manifest, what should we do?  If we continue reading Jeremiah 29, we will find that in verse 13 it reads, “If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will fine me.” So is this how I will obtain that kind of faith that will have me push through immediately and not shut down? Look for the Lord. Matthew 6:33 states to, “Seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Life is filled with so many distractions. Pressures and pains that we were not meant to carry. I am only 11 hours and 18 minutes into this day that I will never see again and I have probably cried 6 of those hours (the other 5 I was sleep). I can’t continue like this. I don’t want to continue like this. I eventually go back to what I know, and that is God, but I want to be faster at it. When things get hard and almost unbearable, through the tears, pains, stomach aches, and weakness, he is still waiting for us to seek him first. He promised us that if we seek him, he will be found (verse 14). I still want to go and hide today, but I know this chaos I feel has a purpose and if I keep searching I will find that God will OrGODnize it. 

~Dedicated to my sweet Aunt Margaret Ann Stubbs who gained her wings this morning~ I Love You, P